THE LOVE IS THE SAME

This image was taken 9 years ago.

Nick North Pre Transition 2009 image by Leah McIntyre. .jpg

I don’t look like this anymore.

Not on the inside or the outside.

But the love is the exact same.

 
IMAGE BY  YAN PALMER

IMAGE BY YAN PALMER

 

It would be silly for me to say I’m the exact same person.

I’m not.

The world treats me differently now. And I am different because of it.

I feel more confident. I feel more free. I feel a deep down sense of me.

And yet, I also have this new set of rules and societal expectations on me.

MY NEW BRO CODE:

+ Don’t be too tender.

+ Don’t be too emotional.

+ Don’t talk to little kids too much (you can now be seen as a creepy guy).

+ Make lots of money. (That’s your most important job now).

+ Always make the sex joke.

+ Be physically impressive.

+ Show no weakness.

+ Be stronger and faster, if not be smarter, or sexier and make sure everyone knows it.

+ Be handy.

+ Don’t cry.

+ Know how to play hockey.

+ Know things about cars.

+ Have impressively sized junk .

+ Hell to a man even small hands can be an insult.
(Guess what Trump and I, we both have small hands, this is not a good insult!)

HOW SILLY IS THIS LIST?

Can you see how it can change a person to have these things measure your success as a man? As a human?
The way we are sending these messages out to our boys is hurting us all.

As someone trying to balance it all out, the cage of masculinity is a tight and heavy one.

One I’m grateful to have the privilege of figuring out, but one that I am determined to figure out a new way of doing. A new way of being.

I want to live a life in which I can revel in all the best parts of me, both the masculine and the feminine because we’ve all got it all, and none of us are as simple and uninteresting as the stereotypes would make us.

So with that I give a big, I’m sorry to my ex husband for all the unfair pressure I put on him as “the man” in our relationship. Sorry that I wish there was still someone to put all that shit on.

So how ‘bout we stop doing this to all of us huh?

How about we stop deciding who is good at what, who is capable of what, and who should be happy with what based solely on the gender they show up in the world with?

Because we all know that’s bullshit anyway don’t we?

Guess what, I’m a dude, who fucking loves gardening, and decorating my house, and brunch! God I love brunch!.

And my wife, she has some of that big labia energy (as @PhotoJennyJ would say)! She is feminine in 1012 ways for sure, but truth be told she has some ( wrongly stereotypical) masculine parts to her as well.

My wife really likes business. Like can’t stop talking about it ever, while naked in the bath kinda loves it? She’s married to her career just as much as she is me. I have to schedule time for her to be romantic with me into our lives!

Gender roles are dead guys, gals, and non binary pals.

It’s official you get to just like what you like, and be who you are!

And I think it’s a win for everyone! So get on board!