Posts in Physical
THE SPACE BETWEEN MY HEAD AND MY HEART.

“WAS THERE SOMETHING OFF WITH YOUR SHOT DAY AND BLOODWORK THIS TIME AROUND?” MY DOCTOR ASKS, STARING QUIZZICALLY AT THE COMPUTER SCREEN.

My jaw clenches.

“Your numbers are quite high, when did you do your shot?” he asks again.

I start to sink into my chair, my legs feeling like lead. My shoulders curl in, I’m subconsciously attempting to get smaller. I suspected this; at our last appointment he was also concerned. We lowered my dose a little bit, I promised to eat more, gain some weight.

I FAILED.

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SWIMMING AFTER TOP SURGERY AND POST OP DEPRESSION

I went into the worst depression of my life after having top surgery this past October.

It’s not something I talk about a lot.  Because admitting I was severely depressed is hard for me. Fitting the media stereotype of the struggling sad trans person is hard for me.

The Secret is this though.

The hard years, the hard weeks, the hard days, they don’t take away from my story.

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FROM HIDING TO SHOWING-- WITH HAIR

41 DAYS AGO I DECIDED I WAS GOING TO SHAVE MY HEAD

I had been thinking about it for months. I’d talked about it at (way too much) length with my therapist. I even wrote the damn blog post explaining that It isn’t really just a hair cut, it’s a rite of passage.

41 DAYS AGO I MADE UP MY MIND

It just took me this long to actually get up the nerve to do it.

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AT ODDS WITH ME

My body and I have been at odds for as long as I can remember.

“At odds”. 

That’s a gentle way of putting it. 

As a kid I had chronic pain. And asthma. And this thing where I would wake up in the middle of the night throwing up only to have nothing wrong with me. In the 6th grade I had my legs put in 45 degree angle casts to “fix” my leg…

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