ONE STEP FORWARD, TWO STEPS BACK.

NickNorth on the sandals royal Bahamian beach

One step forward and two steps back. 

That's what it can feel like to be trans sometimes. 

Yesterday we had the high of our documentary trailer release. Our friends and family, and community and strangers rallied around us!! They saw us and loved us. Our hearts were full. It seemed like everything was possible.

Then today I woke up to an email from my top surgeon’s admin queen (she really has been the best) telling me that unfortunately I'm 68th on the list, and that there is no ballpark estimate in the next 18 months for my top surgery revision.

That the original fall/early winter timeline my surgeon gave me back in the spring is no more.

That I should go on with my life (with no plans for a revision right now) "as is" and that she'll let me know when I get closer to the top of the list. 

She told me there had been an influx of patients more important than me. 

And then I dug further, further, to find that trans folks all across the province are getting emails just like this right now. 

That the UCP (local conservative gov't for my non Canadian friends) changed the requirements for transgender top surgery without telling any of us. 

So now there is only one person with an open wait list in all of Alberta that can sign off on this new requirement.

I've been on his wait list for over 3 years.

They aren’t just making it harder for people to get future surgeries, they’re canceling ones that are already scheduled. 

They aren't just cutting funding for Trans Health Care.

They are cutting access to it

And all under the radar. 

Today I'll lick my wounds and cry and rage, hidden in my bathroom because my sweet kids don't need that. And then I'll put on a great outfit and take them to Cirque de Soleil tonight. And they will get me through this.  Tomorrow I’ll come back out swinging,  and I'll figure it out, because I have the support to. 

But just fucking barely. 

There are lots of people who don't have that support though. There are lots of people who won't make it through this. If that's you, reach out.

There are people here to love you. 

And to everyone out there sharing our video(s) THANK YOU it means more than you think it does. Especially on days, and times, like these.

Nick North