EVER WONDER IF YOU’RE A TERRIBLE PERSON FOR BEING JEALOUS OF YOUR KIDS’ LIVES?
Yeah, me either.
Except. Yes. I TOTALLY WONDER IF I’M A TERRIBLE PERSON FOR BEING JEALOUS OF MY KIDS!
BECAUSE I AM JEALOUS OF MY KIDS
I totally am. My kids’ lives are pretty damn rad!
I hate those little forkers sometimes. It’s not their fault. I mean yes, they are cute, and they ask me for unreasonable things, but I’m the jackass, sorry no, the really cool loving person who created them and then keeps giving them the unreasonable but also totally reasonable things they ask for like clothes and instruments and sports attire and bikes and stuff.
Plus I really do want them to have them.
That’s the damn trap right there isn’t it though. I want them to have all the shit I didn’t get to have growing up so I give it to them, and then promptly secretly resent them for having it. Not just for having the thing, but for having the possibility that the thing represents.
Often I’m so frustrated at my unsuspecting offspring for just having the chance to get good at the things. Have you ever felt that you could be really fucking great at something if you were just given the chance? I feel that all the time. I didn’t have the chance to do so much that I longed for as a kid.
But it’s too late to be great at all the things I thought I could be now.
You want examples? I’ve got plenty!
Basically any sport. I’m not big enough or fast enough, or interested in playing physical enough to hang with the cis men.
Specifically BMX racing.
The guitar. Who becomes a great guitar player at 34? No one that’s who.
Hell even pottery.
AND A WHOLE BUNCH OF OTHER STUFF.
At first I thought the problem was that I couldn’t learn to do all this stuff now. It’s too late. Then it dawned on me.
I’ve spent my life only taking on challenges that I felt confident I could succeed at.
I avoided anything that I wasn’t at least sure I had a shot at, that I wouldn’t embarrass myself with. I didn’t let myself fail, I just choose not to try.
Because I can totally learn to do all this shit.
The issue is isn’t in the learning, it’s in the being good part. The truth is that I will probably never be GREAT at any of these things.
Excellence requires that 10,000 hours, even Macklemore says so. And at 34 with 5 kids, a wife, a super awesome but terribly puppy, a business and a documentary I just don’t have 10K hours for anything.
But does that mean that I can’t try doing new things things and have fun doing them? Nope!
It just means that I get to learn to do things just for fun. Not to be the best at something but just to enjoy it.
I realized that just like my girl Lizzo says I can be my own soulmate! I just need to know how to love me! How to hold me down.
So that’s what I’m dedicating this summer to.
To giving myself some of the experiences and fun I didn’t have as a kid, and enjoying the hell out of them now. I’m going to build new bravery muscles. Embarrass myself a bunch and learn how to make me happy. Just for me. Without anyone else around.
AND SO I INTRODUCE TO YOU MY NEW BIKE
SWEET BETTY BREAKER
BECAUSE LET’S FACE IT I AM LIKELY TO BREAK A HIP, BUT I’M HEAD OVER HEELS IN LOVE.