FROM HIDING TO SHOWING-- WITH HAIR

41 DAYS AGO I DECIDED I WAS GOING TO SHAVE MY HEAD

I had been thinking about it for months. I’d talked about it at (way too much) length with my therapist. I even wrote the damn blog post explaining that It isn’t really just a hair cut, it’s a rite of passage.

41 DAYS AGO I MADE UP MY MIND

It just took me this long to actually get up the nerve to do it.

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MONEY IS POWER

I just finished a podcast interview about branding, pricing, and feminism.

It’s what I talk about most days in my business and let’s face it everywhere else. This surprises a lot of my clients. Somehow they think we can talk about their business and it’s success or failure without actually looking at the money part of the business. Here’s the thing though, most of my clients are women, and many women feel such intense shame around how uncomfortable, awkward and just straight up terrified they feel with money, with pricing themselves, with asking for their worth.

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THE LOVE IS THE SAME

It would be silly for me to say I’m the exact same person.

I’m not.

The world treats me differently now. And I am different because of it.

I feel more confident. I feel more free. I feel a deep down sense of me.

And yet, I also have this new set of rules and societal expectations on me.

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LITTLE LAD

“TICKLEY TICKLEY ROUND YOUR TUMMY” she would whisper in a sing song tone as she traced her fingers across my stomach. The two of us snuggled up on her couch.

“We Yike, jeopardy, don’t we Gamma.” the 6 year old version of me would look up at her and smile.

“We sure do!” she smiled back, returning to her tickling song.

“Tickley, tickley round your tummy, if you laugh you’ll be a mummy.” her long fingers making loop da loops on my belly.

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MOST MORNINGS

I wake up happy most mornings.

The sun streams in through the window, it catches the dust in the air just right so the sun beams dance with magic. The birds are chirping, I can hear the kids’ feet stomping around on the other side of our bedroom door. I stretch. And yawn. Absentmindedly my hand reaches out for my wife. I roll over and lean into her warm, soft, body. She’s fast asleep, her breathing soft and deep. My body just sinks into hers, I begin to want her and in that very moment I am reminded that I am trans. That my body doesn’t have the pieces my mind believes it does, or at the very least should have.

This is the first moment of most days that I remember I’m trans.

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MAGIC

I BELIEVE IN MAGIC

I believe we all have magic inside of us.

It’s not the kid of magic we wish it was.

We all want the type of magic we see in others.

Never the kind we already have.

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Nick NorthComment
TOO TALL FOR A WOMAN

Have you ever built a house?  

It sounds exciting right?

It is! It’s one of those dream come true moments!  You get to choose all the finishes.  Have everything exactly like you want it. With in reason, like you know, within the 5 options available to you plus a splurge on a upgrade or two here or there.   I was drunk with power!  

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THE HARDEST PART // NOTES FROM THE POPE

THE VATICAN HAS ISSUED A STATEMENT REJECTING TRANS PEOPLE, SAYING THEY ‘ANNIHILATE…THE CONCEPT OF NATURE’.

It seems like religious organizations are being asked to make new ways of being in the world to match the global climate, to realize maybe they’d been wrong about the queers all those years ago, like they were wrong about many many things over the years.

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GRANDMA WANTED.

A friend of mine recently welcomed a new baby into their world.

They are in their 40’s and it’s their first. They are Ivy League educated, have thriving careers and are all around wonderfully, delightful, amazing humans! They come from a different world than me though. They went to all the right schools, learned all the right skills, have all the right pedigrees.

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WE ARE NOT COMPATIBLE AT 7AM

The sun shines in through the curtains, we wake slowly. I roll over in bed and put my arm around my love, and kiss her cheek. “It’s time to get up love,” I whisper and she nuzzles into the crevice in my neck between my jaw and my shoulder. She is soft and warm and sleepy.

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